Breakups are tough and we all have our own ways of processing it. We all move on at our own pace. It might take you months and for others, even years but it will happen. Maybe you want to wait before dating again or you might want to jump into it right away. Whatever your methods are, stick to it if that’s what’s best for you. But, regardless of your process, I still have some tips that I’ve learned in the past. This might not work for everyone but it did for me and I wanted to share it with all of you. I also added some personal anecdotes to give you an idea of what I was going through.
Listen to sad music
After a breakup, it’s okay to let yourself be sad. Instead of bottling up your emotions, let it out. If you don’t, God knows how long it will take you to actually move on. So, it’s okay to be sad and cry. Call up your best friend and vent, you’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel after. Yes, you can even listen to sad songs. My go-to was Lauryn Hill’s “Ex Factor.” I couldn’t related to it completely but it made me feel things. Fun fact: This is the song Drake sampled in “Nice For What.”
Find a creative outlet
If you’re going through any type of tough time, finding a creative outlet is always effective. Find an activity that will help you express yourself, and you don’t necessarily have to be great at it. After my breakup, I started painting again. I by no means consider myself a painter but it was a fun way for me to spend my time when I was feeling down. This is also the time I started DJing. It was just meant to be for fun but ended up enjoying it a lot and still continue to do.
Leave the house
After a breakup, you might just want to be alone and stay at home, I know that’s what I wanted. I didn’t leave the house all that much and cut myself off from my friends. Eventually, it gets unhealthy to be cooped up indoors. So, when you feel like you’re ready, plan to go see your friends. It can be something casual like grabbing some coffee or lunch. After a while, you can start to ease yourself into going out to parties. A few months after my breakup, I even decided to go out by myself to clubs and parties. This was so out of character for me because I’m quite introverted. But, I wanted to put myself out there and find my confidence again.
Do not text your ex
This is an obvious rule/tip but once you’re actually going through a breakup, it’s difficult. Let me be the first to admit that I would usually be the one to text first and I did not play it cool. I would text lengthy messages trying to “win him back” (ew). And, eventually I stopped. But then he would start messaging me and everything spiraled down. See, the thing about texting your ex is, it makes the situation so complicated. All of a sudden, you don’t know where you stand and you’re left with false hope. So, as tempting as it is, please do not text your ex.
Yes, working on your revenge body is a thing. Some of you might think it’s a way to “get back” at your ex like you’re sending a message, “Hey, yeah I’m doing better than you.” That might be what it looks like on the surface, but it also serves as a distraction. Setting some time aside in your day to work up a sweat will feel great. I remember I started working out a lot, I even got a gym membership. Not only will you get strong and healthy, but this could be a confidence booster too.
Art by Marian Hukom
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