Welcome to Ask Poppy! I’m Poppy, your go-to girl for all of life’s woes. And when I say ALL, I MEAN IT. I’m not an expert on anything except maybe for being me, which makes me totally qualified to do this.
I think my boyfriend is a chubby chaser. When we met and all throughout our dating phase, I was overweight. But he didn’t mind that. In fact, in the tearful conversations about my weight insecurities, he always praised me about my hips and he did the whole thing about how there’s “more for him to love.” He would use other references, often comical, but I really felt he meant that he loved me for who I am.
Due to health reasons, as well as my own personal reasons, I decided to go on a fitness program and even a diet plan. I really need to lose some weight because if I don’t, it could really affect my health as I grow older.
Since I have been doing this, my boyfriend and I have fought about it. He says I am just letting my insecurities get the best of me. He doesn’t support my need to exercise and he even tries to limit them. He told me I spend so much on gym clothes (but they are so cute!), he told me the diet delivery services are hoaxes, he refuses to choose healthier restaurants to eat out in. We have fought about every single thing and he just keeps insisting that I am healthy and that I am just letting the media distort my self-confidence.
I don’t know what to do now. Should I break up with him? How will I make him understand what I am doing and going through?
So glad that you’ve decided to get healthy, something that I have been wanting to do since the day I was born! Girl, I am totally on board your health buff thing, and now the only problem is that your boyfriend is being a real dick. Tiny problem.
No, it’s not really tiny. Maybe average-sized at best, but I find it troubling how he’s going all alpha male on you just because you’re doing that ONE thing that makes you happy and live long! Picking fights because you’re trying to be healthy? That sounds hella dumb, but it’s his battles naman. Like, you’re just getting the worse end of his manly ka-cheapan.
If he’s a chubby chaser then you should hit up Facebook, search for his exes and check out if they’re all round and beautiful. That’s one clear way to determine if he’s really into voluptuous women. Go on, check the receipts. If all signs are pointing no, then he’s just probably lording over you.
Don’t do that, bro. Don’t tell Mariel what to do. She knows her sh*t and she knows she wants to get healthy so BACK. THE F**K. UP.
Mariel, if you have the money to spend on gym clothes, then what’s stopping you, right? I shop, therefore I am. If you want to feel better and eat better and get a balanced diet every damn day, and you have the money for it, who is you from stopping her, MARIEL’S BOYFRIEND? Your body is a battleground.
Yo, and what about that bollocks about media distorting your self-confidence? You don’t need a man to tell you that. Hey, Mariel’s boyfriend, have you ever thought that maybe the reason why thin women are being glorified by the media is because it harkens back to our good old ancestors? The media, Jonathan Safran Foer, and Natalie Portman are all basically telling you to eat healthier just like those days when chemicals weren’t invented yet to make our foods fortified; back when the people were too busy hunting their own food and running away from dinosaurs. I mean, goddamn, Poppy, that’s it! The media is basically nostalgic for the good old days, like, towards the end of the Pleistocene epoch, when humans were not fat at all. Where’s my Nobel Peace Prize?
But then again, your boyfriend’s probably right. Gym clothes are so goddamn expensive, I just don’t buy them because I don’t go to the gym anyway. Diet delivery services are expensive, why don’t you just buy sh*t from the grocery and make your own salad, put it in a Kardashian-sized bowl and graze like a sad cow in an open field, somewhere in New Zealand? And the media does hate fat people. I was driving down EDSA and saw Sunshine Dizon’s before and after photo after undergoing whatever Belo was cooking up in her evil laboratory. “Don’t get mad, get beautiful.” Hold up. Wasn’t she beautiful when she was like, overweight? Your boyfriend would’ve loved the Sunshine Dizon in the left side of that billboard. If you continue your journey to getting thin, your boyfriend would probably leave you and replace you with the past version of Sunshine Dizon on that billboard. (Sunshine Dizon is still the best thing on Encantadia.)
All violence is the illustration of a pathetic stereotype. Your boyfriend may be growing jealous because you’re going down the healthy route. In a 2013 study, they found out that there’s a dark side to weight-loss while being in a relationship. Basically, he’s dumping all his insecurities on you. Maybe not all, just insecurities about his body. Since you’re doing this on your own, it’s possible that he’s feeling left alone and his way to make you know about his feelings is to pick fights about your fitness guru bull.
Maybe you’re not actually communicating to him honestly about these things, you guys are just bickering. Losing weight is pretty much a behavioral change and I suggest that your boyfriend undergoes the same thing. Like, he needs to really understand why you’re doing this and stop criticizing you if you want to look fitter and become healthier. Sure, he doesn’t want you to lose weight and look like a healthy person, but then again he’s being selfish because you’re just catering to his demands.
And if he’s still being nega about all of this, you better leave his chubby-chasing ass behind because you just don’t want to be chubby anymore. You’re gonna find a better guy once you conform to the reigning beauty standards! It will make men objectify you more! Watch out, world! Here comes the new Mariel!
Cue that song from the Bridget Jones’s Baby trailer.
Got a question for Poppy? From love and relationships to weird questions you dare not ask even your psychologist, Poppy is ready to answer them all. Send in your questions to [email protected] or post your question over Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #AskPoppy, and you just might get the answer you are looking for.
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.
Art by Dorothy Guya