Doggy-style, as everyone knows, involves the man once again on top, entering the woman from behind, with both either crouched on all fours or lying down on their tummies.
While resembling Doggy-style, Spooning deserves to be a position on its own because I suppose dogs don’t actually do it lying on their sides, which is how the man and woman are positioned when the man enters her from behind.
Finally, there’s Standing, which could be considered an upright form of Missionary, except that the position does have an impulsive “let’s get it on now, I can’t be bothered to wait till we’re in bed” feel to it, as opposed to the much lampooned sex as duty, lie back and think of England quality of missionary lovemaking. Standing perhaps also demands more core strength to execute successfully than the other positions.
Of course, living as we do in a culture of excess, even when it comes to sex, the idea of penetrative lovemaking positions being limited to just six basic ones, with everything else being merely derivative, is a slap in the face of human creativity. That fount of sexual wisdom, Cosmopolitan, proposes 12 – yes 12 – “advanced” positions, with names that sound like cocktails rather than sex moves. Among them are “V for Vixen,” “Backstairs Bugaloo,” “Bootyful View,” “The Head Game,”and “The X-Rated.” They come complete with “Carnal Challenge” ratings – gymnastic difficulty levels, in other words. On closer inspection, however, they really are variations on the basic positions, with props included, such as washing machines, staircases, or tables. Take “V for Vixen” for example (Carnal Challenge rating: 5):
“Sit on a counter and have your man stand facing you. His legs should be slightly bent, spaced 3 feet apart. With your arms on his shoulders and his arms around your lower back, slowly pull your right leg up and prop your right foot on his left shoulder. Then pull your left leg up and prop your left foot on his right shoulder.”
Cosmo believes this position is a winner because “Most men are so inflexible, they think a knee bend is an Olympic feat, so he’ll worship you as a sex goddess.”
If a counter is too boring for you, try a staircase, in which case you would be aiming for the “Backstairs Bugaloo,” Carnal Challenge rating also 5:
“Kneel in front of your partner at the landing of a staircase. Both of you should be facing the stairs, and your bodies should mesh together tightly. While you reach up and hold on to each side of the banister for support (or to the stairs themselves), he should hold your hips while he penetrates you from behind.”
And this position is a winner according to Cosmo because “This mind-blowing pose lets your man use the incline of the staircase to enter you at a unique upward tilt, allowing him unlimited access to your G-spot. For more intense pressure, you can bear down on him so your butt meshes super snuggly with his groin—talk about a stairway to heaven!”
I know, I know. Some positions feel like they’re just too much work, hence the enduring appeal of the missionary. Or Netflix. Activities both best enjoyed in bed.
B. Wiser is the author of Making Love in Spanish, a novel published earlier this year by Anvil Publishing and available in National Book Store and Powerbooks, as well as online. When not assuming her Sasha Fierce alter-ego, she takes on the role of serious journalist and media consultant.
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